We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
