awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
