I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
