The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My feet surprised me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
