the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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