I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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