Pappa wants mamma naked
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
