FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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