My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
MIDGETS
????
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
