I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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