He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
