He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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