So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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