between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
