we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
