im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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