I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
did i just pee glitter
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
