tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
