Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
