im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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