need another drink. this is the easiest way
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
