i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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