Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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