So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
