wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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