i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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