My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
