She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We're too hungover to prance.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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