My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
