I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
