u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
