a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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