Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
