He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
