I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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