God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
