Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
this hospital has no fireball
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
