Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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