I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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