Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
