does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
