I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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