make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
