You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hippo gnu deer
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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