well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
