i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just had sex bonerless
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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