Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
