Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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