But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
