so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
