the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
